April 23, 2011

• Maybe last night was a sign that I should have just stayed home and reflected on everything. I went to the bar last night with a couple of friends, hoping to get my mind off of my ex but instead I had to deal with a little bit of drama that I wasn't intended on getting myself involved with. It was with my friend who wanted to take me out too. She saw me speaking with her ex, and got angry with me. She misunderstood what was going on. She was intoxicated, and thought something else was going on between me and her ex. He was the one to say hello to me and we just started talking. The base of the conversation was her and what he should do to get her back because he loved her. I was just trying to give him some advice. But yeah, when I approached her after I finished talking to him, she just fled off somewhere with her godbrother who...I can't even begin talking about...I barely know him, but already I didn't like him. Even my other friend who stayed by my side all night warned me about her godbrother and that he was really obnoxious. Maybe I shouldn't have had that conversation with my friends ex, but I don't know. The two of them were dancing, sharing drinks, hugging, so I thought everything was all good. Whatever. I'm really not in the mood. I won't be going out with her again. She even left me and my other friend stranded at the bar. It was a good thing my friend called her boyfriend, who is also my cousin, because he drove us home safely.

  I didn't mix well with my old high school friends either last night.

  I did dance with a guy though. But it was really empty. My ex coworker tried to hook us up. But no, the both of us weren't really interested. And as I danced with him, I couldn't help but feel...uncomfortable, and grossed out. Not by him (he was really cute), but by my own actions. I was not ready to be dancing with another guy yet. I just became single on Monday and it was just too soon.

  It was weird to see my ex coworker there though last night since it was so long since we last seen each other. We had some drinks together, and after both of us parted ways and went home we were still texting one another and he eventually called me. We spoke for a long time about a lot of stuff. Both of us were really drunk and we needed to just vent about our problems. It was nice to see him again, but I can't really see him as anything else but a friend, and not even a close one at that. He's just not my type.

  Staying home and focusing on the more important things in life like my responsibilities is probably the best remedy to extinguish all my negative feelings and thoughts in me right now.

  It sucks because at the end of the night, I just lay in my bed feeling more lonely than ever and missed Tony so much.

   

  But I really need to stay strong and remember the many reasons why Tony and I will never end up happily. I can't continue to think bad things towards him, so I just wish him all the best in what he does..

   

  p.s. I hate Republic now. It was there that I experimented with rave drugs which resulted in a long term of emotional strain. The place I last partied with my ex. And now, the place I got ditched and accused of by who I thought was a truthful friend. No more.

   

  • 12:52 am
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